Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
