His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Is it because I queefed?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
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