Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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