just come out here and I will go home with you...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
