They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
only if we run a train.
done.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
