i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
