end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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