Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
