I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
