This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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