im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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