u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
