have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
