Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
