the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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