Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
