I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
