I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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