I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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