If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
