you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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