I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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