the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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