Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
