I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
