just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
