You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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