Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
