he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
