You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
