Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
