I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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