i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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