Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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