Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
