Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
