never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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