with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
