Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
