i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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