I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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