I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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