I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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