i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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