You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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