New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
