I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
