marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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