You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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