Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
