youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
