My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
