i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
