yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
