Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
