Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
