We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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