Having a random hookup so left but love u
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
