i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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