"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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