Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
