Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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