Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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