He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
