i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize