woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
