Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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