drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
