I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
