Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
