Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
How's work?
Spinning.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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