If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
