His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
