So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
