I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
