so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
