Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
