There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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