I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize